Do you know the lyrics to "Asshole" by Denis Leary? Well, that's me. I was born a bastard, worked hard to become the asshole I am today, and I'm proud of it.
I'm basically a well-meaning middle-aged edgelord and a wage slave. I'm not going to tell you my real name, where I live, or where I work because the only way to actually exercise fundamental human rights like freedom of expression is to use a pseudonym.
I don't think my takes are that spicy, but if I post them under an alias and somebody at my day job asks me about them, I have a degree of plausible deniability that I'd lack if I used my "real name".
But if you insist on having a name, how about Simon Jester?