Reading the Orange Site and listening to the new Alestorm album is a bad combination. Curse of the Crystal Coconut is full of earworms, and one of the worst is “Shit Boat (No Fans)”. Combine that with one too many lame “Show HN” posts and I can’t help but start twisting lyrics into a tech-oriented parody.

“Shit Boat (No Fans)” on YouTube

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Shite Hustle (No Revenue)

Your side hustle can eat a bag of dicks
Your side hustle can eat a giant bag of dicks
Your shitty startup is a fucking joke
It’s just a tax writeoff for your dad’s cronies
Your side hustle can eat a bag of dicks
Your side hustle can eat a giant bag of dicks
You better give us all the money in your dinky trust fund
Or I’ll summon Satan all over your hard drive

Your side hustle can eat a bag of dicks
Your side hustle can eat a giant bag of dicks
Your website is a shithole and your API’s crap
And your platform’s incapable of scaling under load
Your side hustle can eat a bag of dicks
Your side hustle can eat a giant bag of dicks
Your offshore developers all drink on the job
And your marketers look like Lego™ bricks

Your side hustle can eat a bag of dicks
Your side hustle can eat a giant bag of dicks
Your shitty startup is a fucking joke
It’s just a tax writeoff for your dad’s cronies
Your side hustle can eat a bag of dicks
Your side hustle can eat a giant bag of dicks
You better give us all the money in your dinky trust fund
Or I’ll summon Satan all over your hard drive

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an affectionate parody of “Shit Boat (No Fans)” by Christopher Bowes & Peter Alcorn
originally recorded by Alestorm in Curse of the Crystal Coconut (2020)

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Also, a recent acquaintance suggested that I check out n-gate.com; a much-less-affectionate parody of the Orange Site. If you look at the source for its about page, you’ll see YCombinator characterized as a “sociopath incubator”.

n-gate.com: we can’t both be right